At the beginning of the year, each of our family members chooses a word for the year. We share the word with each other and then tuck it into our hearts and minds. As the year progresses, we hold each other accountable to holding true to our words. It is a great way to keep a goal, a character flaw, or something on which we need to improve in front of ourselves.
Last year my word was compassion. When I chose that word, my family asked why would I chose compassion when I am such a compassionate person. It’s true, all my life I was considered by others to be compassionate. Even I thought I was. But in 2018 my life changed. My mother came to live with us. Due to a fall, she could not care for herself. She could not even roll from one side to another. This meant she needed 24 hours a day care. I was happy to be her “care-taker”. I looked forward to helping her learn to walk again and to help her begin to care for herself and become independent. I truly had a joy in my heart knowing I was giving life to her as she had given me for all my years on earth. And, I expressed compassion in actions, thoughts, and prayers towards her. I loved her deeply, so why wouldn’t I?
Until that is, I became exhausted. Even with outside help, she needed me to be beside her. Caring for most of the day and up most of the night doing the same I found it hard to function well. She was deeply connected to me and couldn’t be without me for more than about 30 minutes at which time she started to panic. What I haven’t said is that my mother was suffering from dementia. She had Sundown Syndrome which gave her a fear of the dark. She needed me to sit with her where she lay awake most of the night only falling asleep when the sun came up.
What does all this have to do with compassion? Oddly enough, staying up all night attending her needs proved to be the biggest blessing we gave each other. I loved our night-time care, it bonded us in a way that only being together in the darkness could. However, when the daylight came and she exhibited some of the behaviors common to dementia, I would get frustrated and begin feeling “less” than compassionate. While I rarely showed my frustration, my heart was heavy both with anxiety and regret that I couldn’t be all things at all times to her.
I realized then that I was only compassionate when it was convenient for me. Up all night taking care of her might sound inconvenient but it brought me joy to care for her in that way. I felt much compassion towards her as I knew this was emotionally painful for her. It was during the day when I was under pressure to meet a deadline that my compassion waned. I worked hard at being compassionate, I memorized Romans chapter 12 out of the Bible repeating over and over again, “rejoice with those that do rejoice and weep with those that weep.” I found myself in prayer some days minute by minute. I realized then that compassion was not natural to me, it was work. It was something I would determine to make a part of who I am at my core. I had prayer partners and others who would hold me accountable to my commitment.
After a year of focusing on compassion, I see that it is pressure that proves our character. I know I haven’t mastered being compassionate but I now have an awareness of what it takes to be compassionate in the hard times and I know what it takes for me to get there.
This year, I am choosing the word present. My goal is to be present in whatever it is I am doing, whether a conversation at an inconvenient time, doing a job I don’t want to do, or even squeezing in a visit with someone where time is of the essence. I will not let my mind wander to my to-do list or to think of where I need to be next. No, I will choose to be present in all I do. I believe this will strengthen my relationships both personally and professionally. I know there will be more peace in my heart while being present in my daily activities. To be present, I will have to slow down and engage in the moment. While I am looking forward to seeing how I will make that happen, I am enjoying this present moment with you.
My question for you is, what word will you choose this year to bring you closer to where you want to be? Are you stuck? Do you need some help moving forward? Would coaching benefit you? Why not schedule your complimentary coaching session and see if it is right for you? Click the Complimentary Coaching Session box at the top of the page and start 2020 moving forward with direction and purpose.
